From the desk of lead detective Edward Buford:
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I feel it is finally safe enough to let you know that the super turd A.K.A. super turtle is in a safe and secure place thanks to the License Plate Protection Program. You will get updated information and photo proof of the safety of your turtle.
At this point in my investigation I feel that only one member of the gang remains at large. The turtle has identified 2 people involved in the crime and are willing to turn states evidence for complete immunity. Their names will be sealed in court documents never to see the light of day.
Our main goal is to identify the head boss of this caper. Trust me no consession stand, coffee shop or race track will they be able to attend and not wonder how close I am to hunting you down!
Please leave any tips names or information of this crime on this forum. All leads will be fully investigated.

Shown here is special agent Marie caring for the super turd when she was brought in. Super turd is now in a secure location.

lmaof-these people are diabolical and yes they are good as sen here with them changing the appearance of this woman right before our very eyes!

That does it! I can't stand it any more! I freakin' peed my pants!

<picking myself up off the floor and running for the bathroom>

I do believe that this calls for a public apology to my "partner in crime" Dave and I for the SEVERE accusations we have endured throughout this whole ordeal. I also think that an article on the news and in the newspaper would be appropriate to help clear our names. Do you hear me Kathy?

well now, this is very interesting. larry and i went through hell trying to convince the "warsaw twins" that we are innocent. but noooooooo you judged the book by the cover! and were you guys ever wrong! yes i agree with larry, a public apology is in order. and this gives larry and i all the ammo we need for a civil suit. super pro next season? when our lawyer gets through ,you'll be lucky to go watch super pro let alone race! and it sounds like you could use a depend or two. do you hear me kathy?

That's probably Dave Fetterman's mother! I know what Larry's Mom looks like -- that's not her!

Everyone KNOWS that Randy "Cueball" Teed, with supporting acts from Larry "Super Dick" Carasea, Dave "The Wookie" Fetterman, Gino "The Godfather" Mangino, Jeff "Super Innocent" Gallick, Mel "Super Wench" Teed, Tony "Sooper Spelur" DiRose, Ray "The Kid" Thurston, and Al "The Cuda" Pearson, were instrumental in organizing the entire SUPER TURD caper.

And I have the picture to prove that Larry is holding the gun and Dave is holding my blindfolded (and terrified I might add) license plate for ransom in Tony's trailer. I also have the ransom letter (including misspelled words) PROVING extortion and kidnapping by the diabolical boys (Holy Bat Caper, Robin!)! Y'all left your fingerprints all over the evidence and you left me a picture clearly showing your hands and Tony's trailer (he confessed) as the kidnap lair!

***Newsflash*** Not the swiftest gang out there folks!

I am awaiting YOUR public apologies for the terror and pain you have inflicted on innocent turtles everywhere <sniffle>. I am so distraught that I am SELLING my beloved El Camino and retiring from Pro class <sniffle>. I just can't bear to know that Elle was violated in such a horrible way <sniffle> by that evil Southside Boys gang -- Old fart men actually, but hey, if they want to call themselves boys, who am I to argue?

I've already arranged to hire security protection and vicious guard dogs for the 2010 season to protect my new Super Pro racey car. That's a lot of out-of-pocket expense for me to ensure my safety and the security -- But hey, a gals got to do what she's got to do.

I am currently meeting with my lawyers concerning the filing of civil lawsuits against ALL of the gang members!

If you would like to avoid a lengthy court appearance and further public humiliation, please deliver $250,000.00 in unmarked, nonsequential, circulated Ben Franklin's to Don "The Avenger" Kiekel prior to 12/01/09.

Do ya hear me Southside Boys?

Thank you for supporting my race program!

Kathy I hope to have anouther Bubba . I will trained him just like Bubba was.You know how mean he was. Just bring food!!!!

If you have a chance at another dog like Bubba, get him! What a beautiful dog he was. I still remember walking him at the track -- or at least trying to walk him. As soon as he realized you weren't coming on the walk with him, PLOP.... down he sat and he wasn't moving for nothing until you came on our walk with us. LOL

You must miss him terribly. It's hell to lose your canine companion.

sorry to tell you the bad news kathy but, that's not my mother, we[southside] were not part of the ransom/ picture taking and you are older than me! as for tony "giving us up" that really TAKES THE CAKE! if it's an apology you need here it goes. we are sorry you have a fetish for things in a shell.] turtles,clams,nuts]and we are sorry you peed your pants. [not really]. but it's a good thing you were wearing burlap underware to soak it all up! have your lawyer contact our lawyer [he really needs a good laugh and by the way, loves turtle soup!] and let the legal eagles settle this.by the time all the appeals and legal mumbo-jumbo are over ,you'll be racing on the senior circut with your rascal! see you at the banquet ! p.s. we may not be the swiftest "club" around, but we never claimed to be! and for good reason! one thing is for sure though, you either love us or hate us, but you can not ignore us!!! do you hear us kathy??????????

Yes Kathy, we think you should brush up on your forensic investigative skills. I took one look at that picture and could tell the person's arm holding the gun was quite a bit more on the feminine side than any of ours. Secondly the other arm did not have near the hair of Dave's very masculine arms. Please reexamine the evidence to not bring any more embarrasment to yourself.(lol) On another note, if you cannot sell your El Camino, and are willing to put it down for parts, I would be willing to purchase some trim pieces that I need for mine. Of course at a substantial discount for all the false accusations I have recieved.

PARTS?!?!

Now you want to CHOP my Elle?!?!

You ........ MONSTER ........... BEAST........ CRETIN ......

This means WAR!!!!



Luv ya Larry! You too Dave! You've both made 2009 a race year I will never forget

I agree Kathy, this has been alot of fun. The (ab)normal people don't realize what they are missing. If some outsider came in and read all this stuff, they would be like "what is up with these people" but they have no idea. It's going to be a long winter so my "partner" Dave(and other miscrients) and I plan on keeping "THE TURD" stirred to help pass the time.

THANKSGIVING EVE!!!!
This is an update from detective Edward Buford. With the Turd in hiding she felt she wanted to get a message to her owner. "I have just heard of our loss and also we have a new ride for next year! Oh what a year it will be a new ride and an angel watching over us"!!
We thought it was time to show your plate is safe and having a good time. Det. Edward Buford.

I learned from this outing how to make my own gas!!!

A hint of one of my favorite places I was in hiding!

I have met a new love intrest.

I got into a texas hold'em game with some under cover agents and as you can see even cops don't like to lose!